Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Untitled

-When I looked him in the eyes, I saw grief, it was deep, it had roots straight to the heart that I started to wonder. Is it something to see?! and for how long it was there?,,,Then I myself replied  Couldn't you differentiate between castles and huts?! Poor him!

-I remember that feeling ,such a confusing one ,Just like falling in love, it is sweet at first, then you start to wonder if you can stop, if you can stop making your other half your whole life. forget about the damn trust thing, I never reached that level of love, maybe it is not even there, and ppl keep acting they reached it because they heard about it, and the first who said that was just a liar, he made the whole feeling up.

Monday, February 20, 2012

Two layers me!

I'm inside myself. Have you ever had this idea that u are not one layer-person?, that beside the smooth seen-layer, there is another inner thick unseen one, larger, more complicated, not as ease?!
I'm two layers, it is not a mask of hypocrisy, both layers don't involve people issue, they always have the same exact opinions on people, if one of them thought how rude you are, the second can't defend you, it can't disagree, it can't even give you a chance, But they are not the same, at least when it comes to emotions and feelings.
here you are the differences!
-You can get to touch, scratch the thick one, without any penetration to the first.
-In matter how powerful the feelings you give me,it can just stop by the first layer, not even getting close to the second.
-Just because you scratched both of them, that doesn't mean you matter to me this much. Believe me nothing is utter,at least when it comes to feelings!

For clarification
You can tell this joke, then you look to my face, to see a blank,emotionless face, while the second layer is rolling on floor laughing, Vice versa too (but that is rarely)
You can say something between words and I can't look more careless. while the second one is angry,So happy, DYING!

Why I am writing this?! I just want ppl to say whatever they wanna say,without any expectations, I wanna them to act whatever suit them. without caring how will I think? or what is going to happen to me after this word, this fight, because they won't have the chance to know anyway!
I'm inside myself!

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Nothing!

-A great deal of nothing goin on within me, it gets wider this nothing thing, something wrong is happening, or at least not in its proper place, disorder is a wrong form too!
-It is dark, engulfing everything it faces, everything falls in this abyss, gets dissolved, changes in to nothing which in turn widen the nothing abyss, memories, feelings, hate, love, all fall equally,with the same speed,transform to the same nothing thing,
Nothing-abysses are the most dangerours, you can't fight what you don't see, you can't fight what you don't hear. You can't end something you have no clue what started it, you are allowed to guess,whether your guessing becomes a series of repeated disappointments,Or continuous pain that turned in to familiarity.
but guessing isn't enough, is it?.No,not when you are dealing with something that is literally taking your life away from you.
All people can live with tragedies, strong people deal with them,and live happily though.but living with a nothing-hole in your soul that can turn anybody into nobody, is not that easy, Is impossible!

Monday, February 13, 2012

Words


scattered Bare words are flowing in my head, spinning is the word, and I shall extract beauty out of them, inject them with my expereince so as to represent me, putting them together in my own way, to fit my fears, my hopes, and my opinions.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

About me


I say stuff that I don't mean all the time, I am such an annoying person, if you gave me the chance, I would talk for hours without any sign of boredom, I think I am absolutely the most horrible listener to all people except the ones I love, I can listen to their breaths for a day long without complaining, (ok. that was extreme) may be a couple of hours, well yea, if I had nothing else to do!
I believe I am not exactly sane. In fights, it is safer for you to just not listen, because I say all the wrong stuff, I literally blow in your face, especially if I cared about you, I think I am such a mean person who people are better off her, I think I am the exact person whom the Psychiatrists advice not to take part in her life, I am too senstive that if I got hurt I hurt the whole world along with me, with no sign of regret, I do have plenty of enemies, which is kinda cool if you thought about it, no?! ok!, Soon to become 19, future pharmacist, and a Gemini
Are you still reading this?! is that normal?! just saying !!

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

You did that


My heart is pushing me to push my mind away from the first itself!
You did that, I am stuck between these two, I keep pushing my mind to delay the truth, to paralyze logic and reason that explain your absence, I keep distorting what is clearly obvious, concealing some other clues, I keep stalling to give you time , enough time to come back.
my heart is pushing me to do so, behind this pure, calm look lies the most vigorous conflict, the most persistent one, your absence did that, you did that!

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

If it were the end of the world!

I was watching T.V couple of days ago, and then I watched this episode of a show ((GREEK)) which was supposed to be entertaining one, during which your mind can finally stop thinking for a while, but not with me anyway, it gave me this idea that kept swelling in my head , till I couldn't ignore or shut down anymore, first the episode was about this party named (End of the world) ,the funny thing that ppl took it too serious that it turned to a pathetic issue, they believed, it were the end of the world and acted upon this un-justified belief too! here is what happend -A girl cheated on her boyfreind ended up kissing her ex., saying if it were the of the world , I'd rather be in your arms. -OK!
-A religious guy lost his virginity to a woman who was older than him by like 15 years, saying if it were the end of the world ,I don't want to die virgin!
 -Another guy who had really big exam , on which his entire future depends on, snapped out to party with his Gf. saying if it were the end of the world , I don't want to die studing!
Ok. that wasn't funny, I know it is just a show , and I probably am making a big deal out of nothing, but I am talking further than this and that, there had to be a similar subject on which the idea of the show was based on , right?! . I don't know, excuse me for not understanding the message behind all of that, If it were actually the end of the world, and you actually had the chance to actually know that (how many actually did I use so far?!, exactly my point!) wouldn't you prefer to die praying, wouldn't you at least try to make up all your sins?!, wouldn't you thank God for everything, and try to make something perfect before you leave?! it actually freaked me out, sacred me to see the huge gap , differences between cultures, so do I think that someday, somehow. all the barriers will just be omitted?! No, thank you, but I don't think so!